That is why

Yesterday our little girl took her first steps at Sing and Sign class. I cried. It was amazing and overwhelming. Part of the overwhelming emotion was the thought that if this had been child-minding day, I would've missed this wobbly, magical moment. I cried. That is why sometimes I question returning to work.

Last night, I looked up from my work and noticed it was after midnight. I had been totally absorbed and buzzing with my ventures that I hadn't noticed the time passing. That is why I have returned to work.

BALANCE- BALLS or BULL?

There is nothing like a major upheaval or life change for the state of your life balance to be highlighted in flashing neon lights, or more often than not, the state of imbalance. So what is this ‘balance’ anyway? What does it look like? How does it feel when we gain that mystical balance that we are searching for? Do we ever attain true balance?

A lot of my coaching I have found is with people who feel they have no work/life balance; or with mum’s who feel they have no mum/wife/ me balance. We spend a lot of time looking at how their time is spent; what their priorities are; what do they want their life to look like compared to how it is currently. And the outcome after a lot of time and effort is balance? I’m not sure. A lot of other things end up happening in the process …
-Redefinition of priorities and what is truly meaningful to their lives
-Goal realisation
-Increased confidence and motivation
-Renewed dreams and aspirations

But balance? I am beginning to believe that achieving balance in our lives is a bit of a misnomer. I am beginning to discover that finding balance is actually something else altogether.

Balance- if that’s not what we’re looking for, or not something we can attain then what is it that we feel we are missing and striving for? By any other name, are we looking instead for…

Contentment? Sounds very static, un-energising, and un-inspirational. It sounds easy and safe.

Proportion? Keeping things in neat little manageable packages. Perhaps.

Happiness? I debate that there such a thing as a state of continuous happiness. Happy moments. Cherished times. But to be in a state of constant happiness, is a little… frightening? Delusional?

Presence/ to be aware? Maybe. Striving for the ability to stop and be. In whatever we are doing for that moment. To realise that it is a moment to cherish; to savour. To not feel that at the end of the day, our life has passed by in a blur and we were there but not THERE. Is that what we strive for ourselves these days?

To be active participants in our lives by being inactive at those times when we need to acknowledge and soak up our presence in a moment of time? Those brief periods of time or event when all is as it should be. But most importantly, when those times are brought into our consciousness and we are aware of them and their perfect synchronicity.

I believe a lot of people are searching for something like this; to be able to do this in their everyday but I believe this is something else altogether from the search for balance and a topic for another time!

Balance*- equilibrium; symmetry; difference; remainder

On the surface, our initial thoughts about balance in our lives are probably centred on finding some equilibrium or symmetry in our lives. Valid aspirations in a coaching practice.

But on the controversial flip side- are we perhaps actually looking for what is the remainder in our lives? What is left over at the end when everything else has consumed our energy and time?

Perhaps we’re looking for the essence of us; we want to uncover and acknowledge the core of us that is left at the end of the night when the lights are out and no-one else is around. Do we know what that actually looks like in ourselves?

Perhaps we’re worried about what’s left at the end. And whether there is anything left at all? Are we worried to find out what that is- that modern times have corrupted the truth or authenticity of self; that there is nothing of true value left?

Perhaps we want to change that truth. When we embark on the coaching process to achieve balance, or search for the remainder, perhaps what we really want is to make changes in our lives to ensure that at the end of it all, we uncover a valuable and valued self. Maybe that is what we are truly striving for.

*Collins Dictionary and Thesaurus

Some thoughts from others…

“If you don’t find balance between pressure and pleasure, your epitaph is going to read “Got everything done. Died anyway.” I tell my patients to ask themselves one question when they go to bed at night. “Has today been a delight for me and everyone around me?” If your answer is no, or even sort of, you need to make major lifestyle changes far beyond exercise and nutrition. You need to ask yourself why you are alive.” ~ Paul Pearsall

(Creating Wings-http://creatingwings.com/inspiration/inspiration-words/ )

Everything in moderation, including moderation. ~Author Unknown

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

A gold medal is a nice thing - but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it. ~From Cool Runnings

(The Quote Garden- www.quotegarden.com)

... I don't believe in "balance." Balance is not the stuff of greatness, and the pursuit of it causes stress. I believe in proportion. A lot of love, a heaping amount of focus, and plenty of room to follow my heart and take a nap when I need one.
(Ink on My Fingers- http://inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/ink_on_my_fingers/2009/11/-my-creative-life-danielle-laporte-.html)

...To start, I don't see balance as a final destination. We'll never 'be balanced.' I see us all as practicing balance-in-process. Some moments we touch balance. Sometimes we discover balance on the mat, sometimes we discover balance on the web. I think we freak when we're overwhelmed (our feed readers hit 1,000 unread items, our in-boxes burst at the seams on Monday mornings) because we think the point is to bring our lives to a place of 'balance.' I'm not sure that state exists for more than a few moments at a time.In Japan there's a doll. The daruma doll. It has a phrase associated with it: '7 times down, 8 times up.' An image to bear in mind. The point is we keep coming back to our (digital) center. When I was doing my yoga teacher training our teacher had us relax our toes when we were standing on one leg. Relax the toes of the standing foot, the foot that's grounding you. It's hard. Your body grips and over-engages when you're out of balance. If we can relax our toes when we're experiencing difficulty, that's balance.
(Ink on My Fingers- http://inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/ink_on_my_fingers/2009/11/-my-creative-life-gwen-bell-.html)