Thursday, 3 June 2010
We've moved!
It has been a sweet, if short, time here at blogspot but things are changing quickly and we're off home to aspiringchange dot com. It would be great to see you there x
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Inspiration and Enthusiasm
I have to admit to being in a bit of a slump with work lately. Some of the shiny new-ness of a few projects have worn off. I've been tired. The sun has been shining and I've needed to be in it.
I've tried to sit with this lack of energy and enthusiasm; to marinate in it; to see what I might discover from it but all that has served is to have me slump even further. Sometimes that space for reflection is the perfect antedote to a rut. Time and space to work things out. To see through the murk for a clear way forward.
Sometimes but not this time.
This time around, what has got me fired up again has been a room full of vibrant, energised, friendly, enthusiastic, and supportive women. I needed that energy. I needed to be surrounded by it. I needed a taste of it again. I came away from that meeting buzzing with ideas and contacts, friendship and laughter. I'm back on track again and thankful to that room of loveliness.
This dip and rise again has given me one insight I hadn't noticed of myself before. If I think back, I can see a pattern: I like new. I like shiny. I like adventure and discovery. I like ideas and projects. I even like the details behind starting projects and ideas. It's the follow-through I'm going to have to work on. I am going to have to try to find ways of keeping the old and routine fun and interesting. I am going to have to meet with that room full of women every month for a start!
I've tried to sit with this lack of energy and enthusiasm; to marinate in it; to see what I might discover from it but all that has served is to have me slump even further. Sometimes that space for reflection is the perfect antedote to a rut. Time and space to work things out. To see through the murk for a clear way forward.
Sometimes but not this time.
This time around, what has got me fired up again has been a room full of vibrant, energised, friendly, enthusiastic, and supportive women. I needed that energy. I needed to be surrounded by it. I needed a taste of it again. I came away from that meeting buzzing with ideas and contacts, friendship and laughter. I'm back on track again and thankful to that room of loveliness.
This dip and rise again has given me one insight I hadn't noticed of myself before. If I think back, I can see a pattern: I like new. I like shiny. I like adventure and discovery. I like ideas and projects. I even like the details behind starting projects and ideas. It's the follow-through I'm going to have to work on. I am going to have to try to find ways of keeping the old and routine fun and interesting. I am going to have to meet with that room full of women every month for a start!
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Sun Worship
We had some lovely weather in April. We had sun AND a little heat. I struggle with the long dreary days of English winter but my mood improves with the increase in sunshine hours and temperature. I was a very pleasant person in April. I felt like this. This tulip in my backyard opened up so wide to the sun, it almost curled flat! I felt like I was doing that in April.
May has been arctic though. Some sun but so cold. I don't do cold very well. I have occasionally been less than pleasant.
Today we saw the sun again though AND it was hot. I stood out in the backyard with my face to the sun. I was reminded of this tulip so I thought I'd share.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Weighty issue
I was asked the other day for a few tips on weight loss. Where do I begin?
Weight comes with a lot of baggage (excuse the pun) and it's difficult to give tips when the places people come from with their weight or diet issues are so varied and deep, but here are some thoughts that may or may not help but perhaps will at least resonate and get you thinking.
For a start 'weight' and 'diet' have pretty negative connotations. Let's change our thinking around that right from the beginning. From now on we are thinking in terms of 'health' and 'well-being'. We are thinking about nurturing our bodies with goodness instead of abusing them through deprivation and restriction. Instead of loading our minds with thoughts of weakness and restraint and denial, try thinking in terms of abundance and indulgence and freedom.
Your body gets you through your day. It may have carried your children for nine months in a nest of love and warmth and health. It may still carry them down stairs that are too steep, over puddles that are too deep. It is the body that your partner worships to make those children in the first place. It is the body that you may occasionally gift with exercise (we'll get on to that in a minute). It is the body in which you learnt to crawl and walk and jump and skip. Who are you to deny it the bounty it deserves? The health and goodness it deserves?
Whatever thoughts you may have in your head about yourself or of your body image, try taking a new view of your body as a separate entity with all those wonderful attributes and look at praising and rewarding it, not punishing and denying it.
It might seem irresponsible to encourage those chocoholics out there to think in terms of indulgence or abundance but not if you carry around that first thought about your new life choice- you are choosing to nurture your body with goodness. With that in mind, consuming that bar of chocolate or having the third biscuit may not seem quite so tempting after all. The goal now is not to lose weight, but to gain health.
How?
Choose health and well-being every time.
Even in the face of your food or body demons, choose health and well-being. If you love chocolate, have some because you love it. Just don't have the whole bar- that's not love, that's something else altogether and we are having no part of it.
Know your body: what nourishes it?
It may be sea air. It may be tomatoes. It may be a soaking bath. Whatever it is, choose those foods and exercises and places and people and things that nourish your body.
Exercise. Choose something that excites you and makes you zing. Choose something that works in your day and lifestyle. Even one minute of deep, concentrated and relaxed breathing does great things for your body. Choose something, anything!
Change takes time and this kind of change is hard.
Start small and simple. Be gentle. Be kind. Even if it's just a tiny bit every day, show your body you care.
This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of gaining health and well-being but it's something to start with.
Good luck and love x
*Note to mothers of daughters
All this is incredibly important as you are modelling to them their attitudes to their bodies. Do you want them to look at themselves full of loathing and disgust? Or like you are beginning to change to now- with love and gratitude?
It is a great motivational thought for gaining health and well-being to ask yourself: what sort of mum and woman do I want to be for my daughters? what do I want them to see when they look at me- someone who is desperately unhappy in their body or someone who celebrates life and well-being? If you don't make this change towards gaining health for yourself, do it for your daughters. But most of all- do it for yourself.
For M x
Weight comes with a lot of baggage (excuse the pun) and it's difficult to give tips when the places people come from with their weight or diet issues are so varied and deep, but here are some thoughts that may or may not help but perhaps will at least resonate and get you thinking.
For a start 'weight' and 'diet' have pretty negative connotations. Let's change our thinking around that right from the beginning. From now on we are thinking in terms of 'health' and 'well-being'. We are thinking about nurturing our bodies with goodness instead of abusing them through deprivation and restriction. Instead of loading our minds with thoughts of weakness and restraint and denial, try thinking in terms of abundance and indulgence and freedom.
Your body gets you through your day. It may have carried your children for nine months in a nest of love and warmth and health. It may still carry them down stairs that are too steep, over puddles that are too deep. It is the body that your partner worships to make those children in the first place. It is the body that you may occasionally gift with exercise (we'll get on to that in a minute). It is the body in which you learnt to crawl and walk and jump and skip. Who are you to deny it the bounty it deserves? The health and goodness it deserves?
Whatever thoughts you may have in your head about yourself or of your body image, try taking a new view of your body as a separate entity with all those wonderful attributes and look at praising and rewarding it, not punishing and denying it.
It might seem irresponsible to encourage those chocoholics out there to think in terms of indulgence or abundance but not if you carry around that first thought about your new life choice- you are choosing to nurture your body with goodness. With that in mind, consuming that bar of chocolate or having the third biscuit may not seem quite so tempting after all. The goal now is not to lose weight, but to gain health.
How?
Choose health and well-being every time.
Even in the face of your food or body demons, choose health and well-being. If you love chocolate, have some because you love it. Just don't have the whole bar- that's not love, that's something else altogether and we are having no part of it.
Know your body: what nourishes it?
It may be sea air. It may be tomatoes. It may be a soaking bath. Whatever it is, choose those foods and exercises and places and people and things that nourish your body.
Exercise. Choose something that excites you and makes you zing. Choose something that works in your day and lifestyle. Even one minute of deep, concentrated and relaxed breathing does great things for your body. Choose something, anything!
Change takes time and this kind of change is hard.
Start small and simple. Be gentle. Be kind. Even if it's just a tiny bit every day, show your body you care.
This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of gaining health and well-being but it's something to start with.
Good luck and love x
*Note to mothers of daughters
All this is incredibly important as you are modelling to them their attitudes to their bodies. Do you want them to look at themselves full of loathing and disgust? Or like you are beginning to change to now- with love and gratitude?
It is a great motivational thought for gaining health and well-being to ask yourself: what sort of mum and woman do I want to be for my daughters? what do I want them to see when they look at me- someone who is desperately unhappy in their body or someone who celebrates life and well-being? If you don't make this change towards gaining health for yourself, do it for your daughters. But most of all- do it for yourself.
For M x
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Sunday tunes
I spent a lovely couple of hours on Sunday morning in the sun with a cup of tea and my book. I almost felt as though I was one of the characters on the terrace in sun-drenched Spain, lazily whiling away the hot hours before taking a leisurely dip in the pool...
Despite that not being my reality, it was still relaxing and enjoyable but I missed having some lazy tunes as backdrop to my fantasy morning. I dusted off some Ben Harper which almost did the trick but not quite. What are your suggestions for the soundtrack to a lazy Sunday morning spent in the sun?
Despite that not being my reality, it was still relaxing and enjoyable but I missed having some lazy tunes as backdrop to my fantasy morning. I dusted off some Ben Harper which almost did the trick but not quite. What are your suggestions for the soundtrack to a lazy Sunday morning spent in the sun?
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Switching Off
I had a recent conversation with friends about the evening 'switching off' ritual. There is a need to come down off the buzz of being a lot of people to a lot of people during the day, to just being you and relaxed and in the zone for sleeping. This seems to be of more relevance for those working from home. For many, the physical distancing from work to home in the evening helps with the mental distancing.When you work from the living room or the back bedroom, this mental distancing isn't so simple.
For mothers who have a career/job, there always seems to be more that could be done, so switching off appears to be harder to come by and more often then not, consists of falling into bed exhausted at some late hour and having a fitful and disappointingly short sleep.
I thought about my rituals- I have a few depending on the day or where in the evening I am. Leaving the kitchen in the evening after clearing up dinner and putting away the dishes helps for me to switch off from housekeeper; tidying up the days worth of toys scattered about the house helps me to switch off from mother; walking down the stairs from the offices helps me to switch off from job. Some nights I take extra time out and have a long and luxurious bath as a way of further relaxation.
But the biggest and most important one for me is the ritual of taking my makeup off and brushing my teeth at the very end of the day. The cleansing, moisturising, scrubbing, and application of lotions and potions help me to switch off from the day completely. As the marks of the day wash off, with a few deep and relaxing breaths, the tension and worry also slowly fade and slip away. It then feels easier to find the pleasures in the day. I try to think of the things that have made me smile or that I feel grateful for. It's a delicious way to fall to sleep.
After a brief personal poll, for others it is a different ritual but with the same purpose- to take you out of the state of high energy and tension you've been in all day, into a relaxed and languid frame of being. One friend listens to music every night as her switch off ritual, another reads before going to bed and yet another does some yoga. Others have a glass of wine in front of a tv show , cook dinner for friends or journal their thoughts in a diary.
Whatever it is, it certainly does help general health and wellbeing to have your mind and body clear and relaxed as much as you can in order to slumber deeply and peacefully. Sweet dreams x
For mothers who have a career/job, there always seems to be more that could be done, so switching off appears to be harder to come by and more often then not, consists of falling into bed exhausted at some late hour and having a fitful and disappointingly short sleep.
I thought about my rituals- I have a few depending on the day or where in the evening I am. Leaving the kitchen in the evening after clearing up dinner and putting away the dishes helps for me to switch off from housekeeper; tidying up the days worth of toys scattered about the house helps me to switch off from mother; walking down the stairs from the offices helps me to switch off from job. Some nights I take extra time out and have a long and luxurious bath as a way of further relaxation.
But the biggest and most important one for me is the ritual of taking my makeup off and brushing my teeth at the very end of the day. The cleansing, moisturising, scrubbing, and application of lotions and potions help me to switch off from the day completely. As the marks of the day wash off, with a few deep and relaxing breaths, the tension and worry also slowly fade and slip away. It then feels easier to find the pleasures in the day. I try to think of the things that have made me smile or that I feel grateful for. It's a delicious way to fall to sleep.
After a brief personal poll, for others it is a different ritual but with the same purpose- to take you out of the state of high energy and tension you've been in all day, into a relaxed and languid frame of being. One friend listens to music every night as her switch off ritual, another reads before going to bed and yet another does some yoga. Others have a glass of wine in front of a tv show , cook dinner for friends or journal their thoughts in a diary.
Whatever it is, it certainly does help general health and wellbeing to have your mind and body clear and relaxed as much as you can in order to slumber deeply and peacefully. Sweet dreams x
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Tolerations
Life for me at the moment is all about keeping things organised and keeping things simple. It just seems to work better that way but every now and then there's a niggle in my well-structured day. Actually, every day, there's a niggle in my day! And more than one niggle, if I'm honest. Going around the house and making a list, I could come up with well over a dozen little things that annoy me- tolerations. Things I am putting up with that with just a little time and energy could easily not be in my life and annoying me! You know what I mean.
I have decided that the amount of emotional energy these things suck out of me every time I see them is more than I have in a day. I need my energy to be spent on other things. Not on these everyday reminders that I am putting up with things that are useless, broken, mismatched, squeaking, need mending, cleaning, painting...
For example: the kitchen mat. It is old, dirty and tatty and I trip over it every time I go to the sink. I have done this for almost 4 years now. It is still in my kitchen.
Another example: the back door. It has recently started sticking (about 2 months ago.) It oftens wakes K as people have to really bang it to close it. It jams every time, every day.
I have determined that these things are to be sorted. Now. There are no excuses as really what time or energy do they need to get done? Admitedly some tolerations require more than just my input- professionals can be called if needed; husbands can come in handy occasionally. But even if I do what I can do, the difference it will make in my day! I feel the weight of these things I am putting up with falling quite heavily on my shoulders constantly, especially when I feel as if I go to bed with a million things still to be done anyway. I certainly don't need these nuisance tolerations adding to that burden.
What about you? How many do you have? What are the little things that you are putting up with? Fancy joining me in getting them sorted?
The time is right- Spring is in the air so it will be my version of spring cleaning. I have made a list- I am halfway there already... I am going to aim for one a week. It's not too ambitious, and then more than that is a bonus!
(postscript: the mat is gone, yippee! and the door is now fixed, having broken off the one screw in the hinge. It wasn't sticking at all, just completely coming apart! How it has stayed up for years by only one screw is a credit to lazy workmanship).
I have decided that the amount of emotional energy these things suck out of me every time I see them is more than I have in a day. I need my energy to be spent on other things. Not on these everyday reminders that I am putting up with things that are useless, broken, mismatched, squeaking, need mending, cleaning, painting...
For example: the kitchen mat. It is old, dirty and tatty and I trip over it every time I go to the sink. I have done this for almost 4 years now. It is still in my kitchen.
Another example: the back door. It has recently started sticking (about 2 months ago.) It oftens wakes K as people have to really bang it to close it. It jams every time, every day.
I have determined that these things are to be sorted. Now. There are no excuses as really what time or energy do they need to get done? Admitedly some tolerations require more than just my input- professionals can be called if needed; husbands can come in handy occasionally. But even if I do what I can do, the difference it will make in my day! I feel the weight of these things I am putting up with falling quite heavily on my shoulders constantly, especially when I feel as if I go to bed with a million things still to be done anyway. I certainly don't need these nuisance tolerations adding to that burden.
What about you? How many do you have? What are the little things that you are putting up with? Fancy joining me in getting them sorted?
The time is right- Spring is in the air so it will be my version of spring cleaning. I have made a list- I am halfway there already... I am going to aim for one a week. It's not too ambitious, and then more than that is a bonus!
(postscript: the mat is gone, yippee! and the door is now fixed, having broken off the one screw in the hinge. It wasn't sticking at all, just completely coming apart! How it has stayed up for years by only one screw is a credit to lazy workmanship).
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
That is why
Yesterday our little girl took her first steps at Sing and Sign class. I cried. It was amazing and overwhelming. Part of the overwhelming emotion was the thought that if this had been child-minding day, I would've missed this wobbly, magical moment. I cried. That is why sometimes I question returning to work.
Last night, I looked up from my work and noticed it was after midnight. I had been totally absorbed and buzzing with my ventures that I hadn't noticed the time passing. That is why I have returned to work.
Last night, I looked up from my work and noticed it was after midnight. I had been totally absorbed and buzzing with my ventures that I hadn't noticed the time passing. That is why I have returned to work.
Monday, 15 March 2010
BALANCE- BALLS or BULL?
There is nothing like a major upheaval or life change for the state of your life balance to be highlighted in flashing neon lights, or more often than not, the state of imbalance. So what is this ‘balance’ anyway? What does it look like? How does it feel when we gain that mystical balance that we are searching for? Do we ever attain true balance?
A lot of my coaching I have found is with people who feel they have no work/life balance; or with mum’s who feel they have no mum/wife/ me balance. We spend a lot of time looking at how their time is spent; what their priorities are; what do they want their life to look like compared to how it is currently. And the outcome after a lot of time and effort is balance? I’m not sure. A lot of other things end up happening in the process …
-Redefinition of priorities and what is truly meaningful to their lives
-Goal realisation
-Increased confidence and motivation
-Renewed dreams and aspirations
But balance? I am beginning to believe that achieving balance in our lives is a bit of a misnomer. I am beginning to discover that finding balance is actually something else altogether.
Balance- if that’s not what we’re looking for, or not something we can attain then what is it that we feel we are missing and striving for? By any other name, are we looking instead for…
Contentment? Sounds very static, un-energising, and un-inspirational. It sounds easy and safe.
Proportion? Keeping things in neat little manageable packages. Perhaps.
Happiness? I debate that there such a thing as a state of continuous happiness. Happy moments. Cherished times. But to be in a state of constant happiness, is a little… frightening? Delusional?
Presence/ to be aware? Maybe. Striving for the ability to stop and be. In whatever we are doing for that moment. To realise that it is a moment to cherish; to savour. To not feel that at the end of the day, our life has passed by in a blur and we were there but not THERE. Is that what we strive for ourselves these days?
To be active participants in our lives by being inactive at those times when we need to acknowledge and soak up our presence in a moment of time? Those brief periods of time or event when all is as it should be. But most importantly, when those times are brought into our consciousness and we are aware of them and their perfect synchronicity.
I believe a lot of people are searching for something like this; to be able to do this in their everyday but I believe this is something else altogether from the search for balance and a topic for another time!
Balance*- equilibrium; symmetry; difference; remainder
On the surface, our initial thoughts about balance in our lives are probably centred on finding some equilibrium or symmetry in our lives. Valid aspirations in a coaching practice.
But on the controversial flip side- are we perhaps actually looking for what is the remainder in our lives? What is left over at the end when everything else has consumed our energy and time?
Perhaps we’re looking for the essence of us; we want to uncover and acknowledge the core of us that is left at the end of the night when the lights are out and no-one else is around. Do we know what that actually looks like in ourselves?
Perhaps we’re worried about what’s left at the end. And whether there is anything left at all? Are we worried to find out what that is- that modern times have corrupted the truth or authenticity of self; that there is nothing of true value left?
Perhaps we want to change that truth. When we embark on the coaching process to achieve balance, or search for the remainder, perhaps what we really want is to make changes in our lives to ensure that at the end of it all, we uncover a valuable and valued self. Maybe that is what we are truly striving for.
*Collins Dictionary and Thesaurus
Some thoughts from others…
“If you don’t find balance between pressure and pleasure, your epitaph is going to read “Got everything done. Died anyway.” I tell my patients to ask themselves one question when they go to bed at night. “Has today been a delight for me and everyone around me?” If your answer is no, or even sort of, you need to make major lifestyle changes far beyond exercise and nutrition. You need to ask yourself why you are alive.” ~ Paul Pearsall
(Creating Wings-http://creatingwings.com/inspiration/inspiration-words/ )
Everything in moderation, including moderation. ~Author Unknown
Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
A gold medal is a nice thing - but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it. ~From Cool Runnings
(The Quote Garden- www.quotegarden.com)
... I don't believe in "balance." Balance is not the stuff of greatness, and the pursuit of it causes stress. I believe in proportion. A lot of love, a heaping amount of focus, and plenty of room to follow my heart and take a nap when I need one.
(Ink on My Fingers- http://inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/ink_on_my_fingers/2009/11/-my-creative-life-danielle-laporte-.html)
...To start, I don't see balance as a final destination. We'll never 'be balanced.' I see us all as practicing balance-in-process. Some moments we touch balance. Sometimes we discover balance on the mat, sometimes we discover balance on the web. I think we freak when we're overwhelmed (our feed readers hit 1,000 unread items, our in-boxes burst at the seams on Monday mornings) because we think the point is to bring our lives to a place of 'balance.' I'm not sure that state exists for more than a few moments at a time.In Japan there's a doll. The daruma doll. It has a phrase associated with it: '7 times down, 8 times up.' An image to bear in mind. The point is we keep coming back to our (digital) center. When I was doing my yoga teacher training our teacher had us relax our toes when we were standing on one leg. Relax the toes of the standing foot, the foot that's grounding you. It's hard. Your body grips and over-engages when you're out of balance. If we can relax our toes when we're experiencing difficulty, that's balance.
(Ink on My Fingers- http://inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/ink_on_my_fingers/2009/11/-my-creative-life-gwen-bell-.html)
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